Burn in Hell, Bastards!

''He know when I am sleeping. He knows I do so nude...''

As if my sister Maria embarrassing me last year with the spanking Santa wasn't enough, this year she decided I needed to be on some random young boy's gift list to Santa. Oh well, it's not as if I was never unfortunately spanked like this in front of number of boys in my lifetime anyway.

Oh, and since Maria said I've always had the unfortunate problem of not being able to keep my legs together while being spanked. . .

Sen. Harry Reid Says He'd Like to See 17-Year Old U.S. Olympian Jordyn Wieber NAKED

U.S. Olympian Jordyn Wieber will be in London this summer competing for the Gold in gymnastics.

She is a 2011 World All Around Champion and just celebrated her 17th birthday this week.

And Sen. Harry Reid (D-Nevada) wants to see her NAKED.

That's right. NAKED. As in au natural. Nude. Fully unclothed.

Yes, you read that right. The Majority Leader of the United States Senate, who is 73, wants to see ALL of the Michigan State University student's UNCLOTHED teenage body.

But Reid wants more than to just see Jordyn's breasts, butt and everything else.

He wants to see 16-year old swimmer Missy Franklin completely naked, too! And since we all know how swimmers like to shave all their body hair except what's on their head, he would get quite a view down below.

But before you go calling up Capitol Hill and demanding he resign his Senate seat for wanting to see Jordyn, Missy and the entire U.S. Women's Olympic Soccer Team in the buff, it's only fair to point out he wants to see a few MEN from the U.S. Olympic squad naked as well. Well, actually ALL of them.

You see, Reid, to his credit, actually is not a hypocrite as other Democrats are in the Congress. He voted against the establishment of Permanent Normal Trade Relations with China in 2000.

And since the U.S. Olympians are to be sporting uniforms made in China at the London Games, Reid came out publicly and said he would rather have them perform in the nude.

"I think they should take all the uniforms, put them in a big pile and burn them," Reid told ABC News.

"If they have to wear nothing but a symbol that says USA on it, painted by hand, that is what they should wear."

Apparently no one thought to ask Reid where he'd like to see that symbol painted on Jordyn's and Missy's naked bodies.

Although I do have an idea of where to paint it on Michael Phelps's naked body.

Speaker John Boehner also got into the act, saying, "You'd think they know better."

No word on whether he thinks House members should wear only clothing made in America.

The Mouth Sticks His Foot in Again - Suspended for Five Games

It took all but five games for The Mouth to get suspended for making the ''biggest mistake'' of his life.

New Miami Marlins manager, Ozzie Guillen, is on the hot seat for comments he made to Time magazine published last week about Cuban dictator Fidel Castro.

''I respect Fidel Castro,'' Guillen said. ''You know why? A lot of people have wanted to kill Fidel Castro for the last 60 years, but that motherfucker is still here.''

Last Friday the Marlins tried to quell the public relations nightmare by releasing a statement that said:

''There is nothing to respect about Fidel Castro. He is a brutal dictator who has caused unthinkable pain for more than 50 years. We live in a community filled with victims of this dictatorship, and the people in Cuba continue to suffer today."

As public outrage in south Florida grew, the Marlins reacted by suspending their new manager for five games. Bench coach Joey Cora will be the interim manager.

The baseball club also released a new statement that read:

''The Marlins acknowledge the seriousness of the comments attributed to Guillen. The pain and suffering caused by Fidel Castro cannot be minimized, especially in a community filled with victims of the dictatorship.''

At a news conference, Guillen said, ''This is the biggest mistake I've made so far in my life. When you make a mistake like this, you can't sleep. ... When you're a sportsman, you shouldn't be involved with politics.''

Guillen also tried to say his remarks were misconstrued.

''I was saying I cannot believe somebody who hurt so many people over the years is still alive,'' Guillen said at the news conference.

''I'm very sorry about the problem, what happened,'' he said. ''I will do everything in my power to make it better. ... I know it's going to be a very bumpy ride.''

Of course, Guillen has never been shy about voicing his political views before.

He twice went on a radio show hosted by Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez in October 2005, when Guillen led the Dirty Hose to the World Series title. At the time, Guillen said: ''Not too many people like the president. I do.''

The Marlins signed Guillen to a four-year, $10 million contract and now there some anti-Castro groups calling for his ouster. Some public officials are also weighing in. Francis Suarez, chairman of the Miami city commission, said Guillen should be fired. Joe Martinez, chairman of the Miami-Dade County board of commissioners, said Guillen should resign.

Does all this mean that somehow, maybe, hopefully, the Curse of the Billy Goat hitched a ride south with Guillen?

"More wine, general. That's an order!"

A Senior Advisor to President Obama recently sent off a four-star general at a black-tie event in Washington to get her more wine, explaining later she mistook him for a waiter.

Seriously! Does this guy look like a waiter?

According to Yahoo!, Valerie Jarrett, who is also the President's Assistant for Intergovernmental Affairs and Public Engagement, ''was seated at the head table along with several other big-name politicians and a handful of high-ranking military officials. As an officer sporting several stars walked past Jarrett, she signaled for his attention and said, 'I'd like another glass of wine.'''

White House economic adviser Austan Goolsbee, sitting next to Jarret, allegedly began ''cracking up nervously.'' Yet, no one dared inform Jarrett that it was four-star Army General Peter Chiarelli she sent off to get her wine, not a waiter.

''The guy dutifully went up and got her a glass of wine, and then came back and gave it to her and took a seat at the table,'' a tipster told Yahoo! ''Everyone is in tuxedos and gowns at this thing, but the military people are in full dress uniform.''

Chiarelli, perhaps on directions from the White House, tried to play down the incident. But it's one thing to pass it off, but he went beyond the call of duty in an effort to take the heat off Jarrett in the media.

The general emailed CNN:

''It was an honest mistake that ANYONE could have made. She was sitting, I was standing and walking behind her and all she saw were the two stripes on my pants which were almost identical to the waiters pants -- REALLY. She apologized and will come to the house for dinner if a date can be worked out in March.''

A mistake ''anyone could have made''?

You're far too kind, General Chiarelli.

First of all, if Valerie Jarrett didn't recognize you personally as the second-highest ranking officer in the U.S. Army, she should have at least recognized you as a four-star general. Fuck! You were in full dress uniform! Wouldn't the four-stars and a multitude of awards and ribbons, which include:

Defense Distinguished Service Medal (with two bronze oak leaf clusters)

Distinguished Service Medal (Army)

Defense Superior Service Medal

Legion of Merit (with two bronze oak leaf clusters)

Bronze Star Medal

Defense Meritorious Service Medal

Meritorious Service Medal (with four bronze oak leaf clusters)

Army Achievement Medal (with one bronze oak leaf cluster)

Joint Meritorious Unit Award

Army Superior Unit Award

National Defense Service Medal (with two bronze service stars)

Armed Forces Expeditionary Medal

Iraq Campaign Medal (with three bronze service stars)

Global War on Terrorism Expeditionary Medal

Global War on Terrorism Service Medal

Army Service Ribbon

Army Overseas Service Ribbon (with award numeral "3")

NATO Medal for Yugoslavia

Combat Action Badge

... at least be a clue?

Second of all, if all she did really see were the two stripes on your pants, what the fuck? Is that the way Jarrett typically addresses waiters? With a snobbish, stuck-up, can't-even-look-at-them-when-requesting-something attitude?

Of course, this comes as really no surprise. This is the same piss-on-them disdain the radical left has shown for our nation's military for decades.

After President Bill Clinton took office in 1993, a senior military official tried to greet a young woman on the White House staff. The arrogant woman's reply? ''I don't talk to the military.''

Happy New Year!

Oh, what the f***! Since I saw my sister Maria already had me getting spanked in the nude by Santa Claus, can this really be that much more humiliating?

Santa Claus is coming to town!

Bel, you'd better watch out,
You better not cry,
You better not pout,
I'm telling you why:

Santa Claus is coming to town!

He's made his old list,
He's checked it out twice,
He's sure to find out
you've been naughty, not nice.

Santa Claus is coming to town!

He sees you when you're sleeping,
He knows you do so nude.
He knows that you've been bad, not good,
Oh poor Bel! You are so screwed!

Bel, you'd better watch out,
You better not cry,
You better not pout,
I'm telling you why:

Santa Claus is coming to town!

You'll be over his lap,
Your bottom so bared,
Getting that spanking,
With nothing to wear.

Santa Claus is coming to town!

Your face will turn red,
So too your rear end,
Then words that you'll dread,
Of the postcard he'll send!

Santa Claus is coming to town!

''Belinda hasn't been nice,
She deserves not one toy.
Instead she'll pay a shameful price,
So please do, please do enjoy!''

Bel, you'd better watch out,
You better not cry,
You better not pout,
I'm telling you why:

Santa Claus is comin'
Santa Claus is comin'
Santa Claus is comin'
To town.

Happy Birthday, Bel!

Some birthday girls deserve to receive spankings in their birthday suits. Certainly my sister Belinda wouldn't dispute that. In 1995 when I turned 7, Bel took it upon herself to pull down my shorts and panties, pull me over her lap and give me a birthday spanking. In the living room. In front of all my friends who had come over for a party (including several boys from my class). Needless to say, I didn't think that was very funny.

Bel wasn't laughing long, however, because when our mom walked back in from outside she decided Bel need a good spanking, too. And she gave her one. On HER bare butt. Right there in the living room. In front of all my friends. Needless to say, I thought that WAS very funny.

Today, Bel turns 26. So in honor of her birthday, what better way to celebrate than with some pictures of her in her birthday suit while getting spanked. Trust me, she will hate this a lot less than Anna and I spanking her bare butt at her party this weekend in front of family and friends and posting pics on Facebook.

Belinda Visits a Nude Beach; Karma Bites Her in the Butt

My sister Belinda has never been prudish about taking off all her clothes and sunbathing nude outside in our backyard as we grew up. In fact, all three of us would frequently skinny dip in our large in-ground pool either alone, together or with our girlfriends. Our mom eventually was OK with it (we never did it around our dad), but sometimes she felt embarrassed if a friend or client of hers dropped by unexpectedly.

Though Bel is not an exhibitionist by any stretch, she's a little more uninhibited than she was in high school. As she will acknowledge, having nude pics of yourself spread about amongst your classmates sort of does that thing to you. So while Bel certainly wouldn't go walking around nude in mixed familiar company, she and three girlfriends did spend some time at nude beaches one year during college on summer break a few years back.

At one point in their trip, they were staying at a small hotel along the beach. The hotel had a pool and toplessness was perfectly acceptable both in and alongside the pool and in the hotel itself while going to and from the pool area. Full nudity, though, was discouraged.

So one day they decided they'd head down to the beach and find a relatively secluded spot to swim and sunbath fully naked. One of Bel's friends, Libby, wanted to put on her bikini - at least until they got down to a spot on the beach. But Bel and the other two girls, knowing Lib would probably never take it off, insisted they leave the hotel in towels only and carry them once they were on the beach. Eventually Libby relented.

They found a nice, quiet spot, laid down their towels, pinned their hotel key card to one of them and took in the sea breeze and the sun.

At some point in the afternoon, they were all laying on their backs, their knees up, when they heard a sound. Looking up, they saw in front of them a young guy in his 20s taking photos of them. Stunned and outraged, all four of them jumped up to confront the pervert.

As most of you may know, Bel's sharp tongue can peel the bark off trees and she let loose on him. The guy at first took it in stride, even insulting her about her breasts as compared to those of her friends. Then Libby slapped the guy hard across the face and demanded he turn over the digital camera card. When he refused and started to walk away, Bel and her friends followed and soon a chase ensued.

Several hundred yards down the beach, the chase ended when Bel tackled the asshole from behind, grabbing at his swim trunks. Her friends quickly pulled them off completely and Bel ripped them in half. Lib grabbed the guy's camera and hurled it into the sea. They spat, swore and taunted at the now-naked loser, then threw the remains of his trunks at him and told him to get lost. The guy went off running as Bel and her friends laughed and gave each other high-fives.

But when they walked back to their spot on the beach, their towels were gone! Even worse, since their hotel key card was pinned to one of them, that meant having to not only walk back and into the hotel fully naked, but having to ask staff at the front desk for a replacement key card!

Neither of them wanted to be the one to walk in alone, so rock-scissors-paper decided it would be Libby and Becky, while Bel and Ashley waited outside, trying to remain somewhat inconspicuous around the hotel pool.

Bel's friends were quite embarrassed as they not only had to walk inside and up to the front desk fully naked, but a young male clerk decided to take advantage of their embarrassing predicament to demand photo identification, that he couldn't just give them replacement room cards without them proving who they were. So he made them stand there several minutes while fetching a manager.

Meanwhile, as Bel friends related the incident to the rest of us when they got back home, the whispering, murmurs and giggling from people in the lobby began to grow louder. To Libby's chagrin, one young male Japanese tourist tapped her on her shoulder, causing her to instinctively turn. When she did, his traveling companion snapped a photo of him standing next to her before she could throw a hand down to cover her pubes. She was soon aware that tourist wasn't the only one snapping pictures, as a number of the dozen or so people standing or sitting around in the lobby were holding up various devices that no doubt are still causing laughter around the world at Bel's friends' expense.

Finally, a middle age female manager arrived and no doubt enjoyed scolding Lib and Becky for walking into the lobby nude, forcing them to explain the whole incident at the beach over again. Finally, satisfied that their full nudity wasn't intentional, she led them to the elevators. Lib asked if they might be given towels first, to which the manager replied, ''Of course. I'll have someone go get some.'' Knowing that would only prolong their exposure in the lobby they decided to go with the manager to their room in order to fetch their IDs to prove who they were.

After another embarrassing encounter with several guests in the elevators, including several young pre-teenage boys, one of whom decided to pinch Becky on her bare butt, the manager opened their room with a new key card and Libby and Becky got their IDs to prove their identity. The manager gave them the new room card and each of them quickly threw on a top and pair of shorts, grabbed two towels and headed back downstairs to find Belinda and Ashley.

In the lobby, they saw some people snickering and pointing at their return to others. Going outside, they found Bel and Ash standing shyly in the pool and gave them the room card and the towels. As all four of them heading back inside, Bel and Ash began complaining that Libby and Becky took way too long to return and they should have brought them some clothes or at least robes instead of two small towels that they could barely fasten around their waist while covering their breasts with their arms.

Libby and Becky really didn't need to hear any lip after enduring a good twenty or so minutes of embarrassment. So as they all got ready to step into an already half-full elevator, Becky said she and Libby would meet Bel and Ash upstairs after getting some ice at the front desk. Then, in a flash, as my sister and Ash walked into the elevator, Lib grabbed Bel's towel, Becky grabbed Ashley's and the elevator doors closed to a chorus of giggles and two embarrassing screams.

Never Forget